Funny Quotes: Page 2
It is always nice to have access to some funny quotes to help pass the time away.
Please pass these funny quotes on to others. I believe everyone deserves a lighter moment as often as possible.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
-David Lee Roth
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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