Funny Quotes: Page 4

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People say laughter is good for the soul. These funny quotes could very well be funny soul food.

I have spent a considerable amount of my time reading these funny quotes. They rest my soul and bring me joy.

The belly needs a good laugh on a daily basis just to fend off all of the craziness in the world.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
-Milton Berle

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
-Natalie Wood

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
-P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
-P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
-P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
-P. J. O'Rourke

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
-Paul Lynde

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
-Paul Lynde

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
-Rita Rudner

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
-Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
-Robert Benchley

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
-Robert Byrne

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
-Robert Orben

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
-Rod Schmidt

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
-Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
-Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
-Rodney Dangerfield

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
-Ronald Reagan

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
-Ronald Reagan

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