Funny Quotes: Page 3

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There is not a day that goes by that funny quotes cannot be used to bring laughter. Most people would agree that we spend far too much time being serious.

There are funny life quotes that will bring back memories. There are funny inspirational quotes in this collection. There are even some funny stupid quotes.

All and all these funny quotes are a good friend of mine when I am feeling low. I hope they will become a friend of yours as well.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
-Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
-Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
-Groucho Marx

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
-H. L. Mencken

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
-H. L. Mencken

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
-Imelda Marcos

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
-Joe Rogan

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
-Johnny Vegas

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
-Kevin James

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Lana Turner

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
-Laurence J. Peter

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-Laurence J. Peter

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
-Les Dawson

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
-Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
-Lily Tomlin

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-Mae West

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-Mae West

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
-Margaret Smith

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Mel Brooks

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
-Mel Brooks

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