Funny Quotes

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Funny quotes are an excellent way to loosen things up. Humor has always been used to make thing a little lighter.

It has been said that it is actually healthy for us to get belly laughs often. Further, it has been subscribed to that, it is almost impossible to laugh heavily and be mad at the same time.

Laughing has been credited with reducing stress. These funny quotes are great to share with your friend’s neighbors and family. I truly embrace the previous words.

Please relax and enjoy some funny quotes.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
-Henry A. Kissinger

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
-Jay Leno

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
-Jay Leno

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-Henry A. Kissinger

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
-Joan Rivers

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
-Jerry Seinfeld

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
-Jay London

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
-Joe E. Lewis

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
-Joe E. Lewis

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
-Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-Bill Cosby

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
-Bill Vaughan

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
-Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
-Bob Hope

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
-Buddy Hackett

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
-Calvin Coolidge

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
-Cathy Guisewite

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
-Charles M. Schulz

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
-Claude Pepper

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